Why I Considered Divorce…

5 Things to Know Before You Get Married

Today marks our three year anniversary and I couldn’t be happier! It seems like it was just yesterday when we went on our first date to Applebee’s and a movie. I wasn’t a fan of the restaurant, but the conversation and company made up for my hard chicken tenders. Something really intrigued me about V. I loved the way he constantly checked on me and catered to my needs. Fast forward from May to November, and we’re engaged. I’m crying, slobbering and hollering like someone died. I can’t even count the number of times I yelled “yes” and “Jesus.” The next few months were like a fairytale as I had the pleasure of planning my dream wedding. The dress, the table linens, the personal written vows and our special guests made that day perfect. But, what do after you’ve said “I Do”?

Everyone says that your first year is typically your hardest and I have to agree. Getting adjusted to living with someone was a challenge. I like HGTV; he likes ESPN. I don’t fall asleep until midnight; he’s dozing off at 10. I could go on and on, but we got adjusted and made it work. While I knew that no marriage was perfect, we were completely blindsided by our first major argument. I honestly can’t tell you what caused it, but I clearly remember our reaction. We yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled. We both said we weren’t happy and I casually threw around the “d” word (divorce) because I wasn’t going to be married and miserable. After the fire died down, we sought counseling and the worst day of our marriage soon became our greatest learning lesson.

Here’s what I learned and what you need to consider before you say “I Do.”

  1. Never get too comfortable in your marriage. We were so busy being in love that we slowly backed up from our first love (Christ). During the time of that argument, we weren’t seeking God like we used to. I was seeking God non-stop daily before I got my man and I know God used this to get our attention. Always keep God first in your marriage.
  2. I Before You. It was so easy to tell V what he was doing wrong, but I really didn’t want to assume responsibility for my part. Before you place blame, take responsibility for your actions. The more I worked on myself, the better my marriage became.
  3. Respect. We always want to talk about love, but I believe that respect is just as important. If anyone must respect you, it should be your spouse. Words have the ability to build you up or break you down. You don’t want to be responsible for the breakdown of your spouse. The enemy will take that opportunity to send someone else to build them back up. You have to ensure that respect is primary and that we learn to communicate in love. There will be times when this isn’t easy but it’s necessary.
  4. Counseling. Pride is a sin and it will destroy you. You have to put pride aside and seek Godly advice when needed. I didn’t care who saw us getting counseling, fixing our marriage was our top priority. Find other Godly couples who will hold you accountable and challenge you to grow together. Stay away from married folks who don’t value marriage. Their bad advice will cause you to make a bad decision.
  5. Avoid the “D” Word. Yes, speaking divorce will lead to the death of your marriage. We made a vow not to use it anymore. It doesn’t matter how much we disagree, we won’t utter that word. Take time to cool off and come together in prayer. Pray even when you don’t feel like it. This allows God to intervene and fix the problem.

Our marriage is far from perfect, but we are happier than ever before. Every day is a reminder that God is faithful and He keeps His promises.   Put and keep God first in your marriage and He will work everything out.


With love,


13 replies
  1. Kimberly Hoefer
    Kimberly Hoefer says:

    I appreciate your honesty and advice on marriage. I’m so blessed with the website, blogs and all the Dating and Waiting social media sites. Continue to let God use you both. :)

  2. Taneisha
    Taneisha says:

    Great advice!! Thanks so much for your transparency. Happy Anniversary and may the Lord bless you with many more!

  3. Terria Wright
    Terria Wright says:

    WOW! Your marriage is a winner! May God continue to be the third cord in your marriage, just as you stated. We need to hear about winning couples with Christ’s help. May your marriage keep on winning! Don’t forget to keep putting on the Whole Armor of God!


Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *