the other woman

The Other Woman

One of the best things about growing up was watching my parents’ marriage. I know that no relationship is perfect, but watching them interact made me love “love”. From observing their marriage, I NEVER understood how and why people would cheat on their spouses. Since my childhood, God has given me the desire to be a wife, and I knew that I would have a ministry supporting marriage.

During my earlier years of college, I was more focused on partying than living for Christ. I grew closer to my co-workers and partying because a weekly ritual. One of my co-workers was married and he constantly asked me out on dates. He complained that his wife was inattentive and didn’t fulfill him sexually. While I was not living according to God’s word, I knew that I could never become involved with someone else’s husband. When I kept denying his requests, he eventually began “dating” another co-worker. One afternoon, his “inattentive, non sex-giving wife” came in to bring her husband lunch and she was six-months pregnant. *confused* How did she become pregnant if they weren’t having sex? *side-eye*

Unfortunately, this is just one example of too many! *sigh*

I couldn’t possibly count the number of emails or messages we receive from women who are “dating” married men, so I had to address this topic. Here’s some advice- Married is married AND separated is still married. This is NOT to judge you, but you need to be informed that you deserve better! When you trust God’s plan, you will love yourself enough to know that what He has for you is for you. Things to consider…If you truly believe that your husband is coming, then why would you “date” someone else’s husband? If this person really loved you, why aren’t they married to YOU? How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

There is no nice or politically correct way to address this topic. If you are the “other” person, you need to remove yourself from the situation. Remember, that God doesn’t bless what He didn’t ordain. Despite how bad it hurts or how much you want to stay, you owe it to yourself to leave.

You don’t deserve to be someone’s first or main lady, you deserve to be their ONLY!



19 replies
  1. Sonia Clark
    Sonia Clark says:

    AMEN Kiona….After 17 years of marriage…I was left for the other woman….July 3rd would have been 20 years for us….but I thank God for RESTORATION, PEACE, JOY AND MY NEW WALK WITH CHRIST….Remember ladies and gentlemen…. “God doesn’t bless what He didn’t ordain!”

  2. Mannal Muhammad
    Mannal Muhammad says:

    There are so many men out here who want to have their cake and eat it too. Anyone who is married and has not left their wife for you are probably only using you. My husband of 27 years cheated on me with one woman and later married other woman he cheated on her with.

  3. Jeronica Dickerson
    Jeronica Dickerson says:

    What an excellent commentary! As a college student and young adult I, like so many others, made a lot of foolish turns and decisions under the guise of “Having A Good Time!” Although, I am not proud of it I played the role of side piece with a co-worker where I was working as an intern. It was just fun and I felt that because she worked in the same building and was VERY pregnant that I had the upper hand. RATCHET (I think that’s the term some hip hop heads use today), I know! While my tryst was never caught by his wife, God was keenly aware of what I was doing. While I don’t believe that God does things to us to intently harm us, He does have a permissive will and sometimes that permissive will allows certain things and situations to arise in our lives. Long story short, my first husband cheated on me during our short lived marriage and to me it was like God placed a mirror before me and said “How does it look from this angle?” Ouch!! I thank God for that moment of reproof and although I didn’t know it then, He was clearing the way for the man that He had purposed me for and now I am happily married and loving life with a man after God’s own heart. I pray that my story will bless someone and encourage them to know that God wants the very best for us but we can’t get to it if we aren’t real about who we are and what we want. The spouse that God has purposed and designed for someone else will never be yours! Date and wait on Him and He will do just what He promised! Be blessed loves!

  4. JB
    JB says:

    I agree with everything you said 100%, and I am not making excuses, but I talk to a married man very often. He says he has a crush on me, and if he wasn’t married, well… It has never gone beyond flirting, and if he ever found out how I really feel about him, I would be mortified. My intentions and my wants are very much in conflict. I want him, but I have no intention of breaking up a family or being a sorry excuse for a human being. Loneliness makes you do stupid s#**, and really, my loneliness is literally about to destroy me. I am 42 years old and no one has EVER shown me any attention or even friendship the way this person has. I am a friendly, outgoing, educated, and in all other ways successful woman who has looked for and prayed for a husband for well over 20 years. What is God’s plan for me? To have no husband, no family, to spend the next 40 years of my life alone? I would rather die today if I knew for sure that was going to be my future. My relationship with this man is the only respite, the only relief- that I can see- from the endless emotional and physical solitude that I constantly experience. I am sorry if that makes me a bad person, I am truly sorry.

    • Samica
      Samica says:

      As I read your reply my heart goes out to you because what you feel is real, however becareful with what you entertain because what may start out as harmless flirting can lead to more because you are so vulnerable – and believe me that man probably knows it. If you have that desire to be married then it’s God’s will for your life but you have to be in a position to receive it. Marriage is HARD work….it’s a blessing but it’s WORK….the last thing you need is to go into a marriage looking for your husband to complete you and fill every lonely spot because it won’t happen. It takes work, commitment, love, and even more to make a marriage successful. God has someone for you – I will tell you like I tell me girlfriends…work on YOU! Get closer to GOD! Let HIM fill you up….so that when the man God has for you FIND you, you will be prepared! God bless you sister – be encouraged!

    • Kimberlie
      Kimberlie says:

      Keep your head up…this blog speaks TRUTH. I feel your emotions, but you deserve God’s best and we can’t discount ourselves as women because of the long nights alone. Ask God to reveal His purpose for your life and to fill the void with His presence. He sustains us and I have remind myself daily that His love for us so great that He will never withhold a good thing from us. This is harder said than done I know, but I KNOW HIS WORD is TRUE. Every promise, command, direction that He gives us comes from His Heart as ABBA Father to us. A true Father protects His baby girl and gives her guidance and direction, but we as daughters of the Greatest King of All must heed His voice. When emotional storms come you’ll bend but you won’t break if you stay nestled in the Heart of God. I’ve had the tearful nights in the midst of waiting, but remember that the enemy watches us and crafts and plots against us daily (so he sends you attention and ‘loving affection’ in someone – probably meeting all the physical requirements on your wish list and waits for you to fall). But, the closer you draw nigh to God, the quicker you’ll identify when those tricks are being set up and you’ll know how to navigate around them. Notice I said around, not through, we put ourselves through too much drama on earth. I hope this encourages you to try on faith with God one more time…He can sustain our emotions and bind up our hurts and pains like no one else. Please don’t give up on your life, it’s obvious that you were created for greatness, don’t let the enemy win another battle in the fight for your destiny and your purpose by setting you off track.
      Love ya!

  5. Alkeisha Plush Martin
    Alkeisha Plush Martin says:

    My husband of 20yrs. and also was a preacher he couldn’t even live up to what he was preaching he commited adultery on me and lost every thing cheated on me with a younger lady and what hurted so bad is she knew me.

  6. kathy ann luke
    kathy ann luke says:

    i read them all and it help me alot i feel so good to know that i log on to this site. god is good wow.

  7. Rozale
    Rozale says:

    Thank you to the real people that shared their stories. Its so much easier for everyone in happy loving fullfilling relationships to give advice because they have never been in the other womans shoes. I am not by any means condoning such behavior but if you are in such a situation then something must be lacking and you are trying to get love and affection from someone who is taking advantage of you. God needs to heal you in whatever area it is for you to be able to not settle for anything. It is definitely easier said than done but in future its for our good. You can break free and be happy through Jesus.

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