Blurred Lines | Girlfriend vs. Wife

One of my favorite quotes is, “Know Your Role and Play Your Position”.  In most of our roles in life, we are given a clear description of what to do and what not to do.  I’m held accountable for my job description from Monday-Friday from 8:00am to 4:30pm.  If I don’t meet my requirements, I would end up in someone’s unemployment line.

But, what do you do when your roles are not crystal clear? What is my role as a girlfriend, fiancé or wife?  Women are nurturers by nature.  From day one, we are ready to put our best foot forward and give our all.  We want to take care of our men!! If there is a problem, we want to fix it. That’s just how we’re wired.  But, some of us end up doing things a little prematurely.  We’re helping with financial problems, jumping in his family dilemmas, becoming Chef Boyardee, and providing sexual healing.  We give our “all” and end up with a broken heart.

During the dating/courting process, you are in the “interview process”.  It’s time to get to know each other which requires doing lots of activities and asking those important questions to determine if the relationship is worth pursuing.  Prayer and observation are key during this process.  What is God saying about this relationship?  How does he react to certain situations? How do they treat me and others around them?  How is their relationship with Christ? If you begin playing Susie Homemaker during this process, you may end up fixing something that you never should have been involved in.  Is it a sin to cook your partner a meal? NO.  But, it’s not your responsibility to serve up every meal and become their caretaker.  When you get engaged, it involves preparing for more financial responsibilities and family commitments since marriage is your next step.

Think back on your past relationships that didn’t work.  Some of your anger is towards your ex, but some of the blame is on yourself. For those who don’t want to take responsibility, let me air my dirty laundry.  I had to take care of my boo!! I got all entangled in family stuff and rushed home to cook. I was out of place and eventually out of a relationship.

Stay connected with God first and let the Holy Spirit guide you! Take the time to enjoy the process of getting to know each other.  Once you get married, you will have ALL of your life to play wife.  It’s a beautiful process, but take advantage of your independence. Don’t put the cart before the horse.  Embrace boundaries.

Final Tip: Seek God together for your relationship, enjoy each other’s company, and love outside of the bedroom.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

14 replies
  1. Steph
    Steph says:

    I love this!! It really disgust me when a guy who I’m just talking to would ask “when you go cook for me?” My reply is always “when we get married” lol they don’t like that. But they don’t understand that I’m not just any female and I won’t give any guy my husbands benefits. It’s really difficult to stand firm because it feels like no guy is on the same level as I am when it comes to spirituality. But I thank God that when the time is right he will send my husband to me and he will be everything I need and desire!!!

  2. Troy Spry
    Troy Spry says:

    Great read and great reminder for many! I do concur that we do many things prematurely in the dating phase, thus we invest so much early on that we date with less of a discerning spirit. Slowing down and practicing patience is essential in dating, but you are so right in that when you become a wife then you will have forever to serve your mate!

  3. Jaber Yesu
    Jaber Yesu says:

    I am so happy that Jesus led me to this page today. Indeed the statement “Know your role and play your position” applies correctly. I as a woman sometimes I intend to usurp roles especially when it comes to fix things…like you said we women are natural at this and sometimes we do get carried away with it atleast I do. But today I have learnt the art of knowing my roles and playing my position. It is after all team work and when I replace my role with someone else’s or I dare play someone’s role we shall end up with alot of chaos. This applies so much in marriage…indeed know your role and play your position. Jesus clearly gives the roles of a husband and a wife therefore lets know them and play our

    Ephesians 5:22-33 (King James Version)

    22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

    23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

    24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

    26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

    27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

    28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

    29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

    30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

    31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

    32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

    33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


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